I’m taking a break this week to welcome my guest blogger, Jeena Ann Kidambi, 13, who decided to tackle the idea of society’s expectations for people of color to suppress their anger when they experience racism. The powerful essay compares Jeena Ann’s own experiences to those of the students in Dashka Slater’s new book, Accountable (2023). The essay won an award at Framingham State University’s Swiacki Children’s Literature Festival.

Societal Suppression of POC Anger

by Jeena Ann Kidambi (13)

“People have the right to feel their emotions,” the then-high-school student Andrea stated in Dashka Slater’s book Accountable (297).  Although people who have experienced racism must work through their emotions to heal, throughout the book and in my own experience, there is a recurring theme of society not giving space to or support for victims’ anger. Examples of this theme include adults at our respective schools villainizing both the girls in the book and myself because of our anger towards those who have offended us, classmates’ expectations to revert to normalcy after racist incidents, and even the resistance of those who have experienced racism such as Andrea and myself to face our emotions.

After racist incidents at both Albany High School and at one of my own schools, administrators at both schools attempted to get the offenders and those offended to prematurely reconcile through mediation; then, they proceeded to blame the resulting lack of reconciliation on the anger of those harmed. For instance, at Albany High School, after a group of boys targeted several of their female classmates via a racist Instagram account, school administrators arranged for mediation between both parties. Unfortunately, the session was disorderly and unproductive. After the session ended, the mediators wrote that “ [they] don’t believe those harmed were ready to listen to the answers regardless of the responses’ sincerity or honesty,” (198) thus, claiming that the girls’ anger caused the mediation to be unsuccessful. Similarly, after my friend and I reported that a group of boys were consistently making racist comments to us, our school administrators decided to hold a restorative circle. However, following a pre-mediation interview, our school administrators decided to cancel the mediation, openly stating to me that they thought “[I] wouldn’t be receptive because [I] was too angry.” Their comment villainized me, painting me as cold and intransigent. However, in the book, Slater states that before any mediation is to occur,  the adults responsible should spend several weeks giving support to those harmed (193) so that the offended will have already worked through their anger and be able to speak calmly during mediation.  Therefore, in both cases, the mediation sessions were doomed to fail because both administrations did not provide the necessary support to those harmed.  Nevertheless, both schools blamed the lack of restoration on the victims’ anger, even though we would likely have been less angry if those responsible for mediation had just followed proper procedure. 

Next, the section “Why Can’t You Just Get Over It,” illustrates the struggle that both the girls in the book and I have felt when peers make it clear that they think that those who have been harmed by racism should forget about the event instead of feeling their anger. For instance, when Ana decided to reenter the social scene by going to a party that one of the Instagram account followers also attended, everyone praised Ana and called her “cool” because she acted “chill” around the offenders (282). These statements implied that the respectable and reasonable thing to do in a situation in which one experiences racism is to move past it and that victims who do not set aside or push down their emotions are uncool or inferior. Likewise, after an adult at one of my past schools subjected me to racist remarks, my friends told me that I should “just forgive and forget.” While I understand the importance of forgiveness for my own health, by telling me to “forgive and forget,” they implied that I should set aside my anger instead of working through it. In both situations, the attempts to revert back to ‘normalcy’ invalidated the emotions of the harmed and painted us as being immature if we still held resentment against the perpetrators of harm. This mentality can only lead to more bottled up emotions and resentment.  

Finally, as products of a society that devalues the anger of those of color, both the girls in the book and I resisted addressing our anger; nonetheless, working through our anger has benefitted us. For instance, Andrea unsuccessfully coped by attempting to forget about the racist Instagram account (284). After some time, Andrea’s mother asked her daughter to sue the offenders.  Andrea refused, stating that “this is not going to be a continuous way [she] spend[s] [her] ever-so-fleeting time” (385). Hence, Andrea communicated that she did not want to address her anger and instead wanted to forget what had occurred. Nevertheless, not dealing with her anger had already led Andrea to become secluded, depressed, and prone to nightmares. Her mother even worried that Andrea may commit suicide (294-295). However, when Andrea did decide to file a lawsuit, she got closure; fearful dreams plagued her no longer (449). Similarly, I did not want to write about my experiences with racism. Like Andrea, I did not want to dwell on those memories. However, by writing this essay and embracing my emotions on the subject, I gained closure and released myself from anger’s chokehold. Therefore, both Andrea’s and my lives display that, even if those offended by racism dislike addressing their anger, doing so permits healing.Overall, in both Accountable and in my own life, there is the common theme of the necessity to work through one’s anger after facing racism even though we, as a society, frown upon the emotion. This is seen when our respective schools villainized both the girls and myself due to our anger, when our respective peers expected to revert to normalcy after racist incidents, and when both Andrea and myself were reluctant to address our anger in regards to the racism we have faced. As shown in the book, anger is an important emotion that one must feel. Perhaps, this theme shows a need for introspection. I believe it calls for us to determine why we shun anger and to learn how we, as a society, can make space for people, especially those of color, to feel all their emotions.